Things that we need to let go of
Have you ever received an item from someone and you just can't let it go? We all have. But that is not the letting go I'm referring to here. Lets normalize healing and letting go of trauma.
Have you had your heart broken and a good friend may have told you that the best way to get over your ex is by finding a new one beau? Yes it helps take your mind off that person for the time, but that is just a setup for further hurt. You can and will hurt others if you do not take the time to heal.
Healing takes time
“The easiest way to get over your ex is by dating someone new”
We have all done it. You are hurt and want to get over it. The best way is to keep our mind occupied and what better way to do that then with a new beau. You're going out on dates, feeling appreciated again. Being told that you are pretty and that the last guy messed up. Which I'm sure he did but we must be honest with ourselves and find the root of the problem before moving ahead. Yes this is hard. Like honestly, how many of us actually do this? We want to move on fast with someone more attractive. Someone that might make our ex feel intimidated.
Find someone more attractive
When we end one relationship we always want the next person to be more attractive. Why? Does beauty define loyalty? Does an attractive partner equal help and progression? Does beauty equal honesty? Because someone is easy one the eyes does it mean that they will automatically fill the void? No. But we do it because we want the other person to fill jealous. Why do we even equate beauty with jealousy? Why? Because you have not taken the time to heal. When you heal you see things in a different light. You will see that you may have been the problem. I know I know, your thinking LC is nuts. Its never us. Its always the man that messes up. If you are thinking that then it is time that you take a step back and begin to analyze you.
You may be reading this thinking I thought she was team women empowerment. Yes, I am for a good strong woman but I also know that strong women find their strengths by by putting their flaws on display. Now back to the topic.
Although we may not ask these questions like "Why we look at beauty only and what makes a nice looking person better?", a lot of time we will unconsciously fall into this thought process. Its ok. We are all human. But until we realize this we can not correct it. The biggest thing a lot of forget before moving on is healing. A lot of us do not really even know how to start the healing process or even know when we are completely healed. Healing takes time! You will not be over it in a week, in a month, maybe not even in a year. We are all different and things effect us all differently.
There is the wife that lost her husband in a horrible car crash. The police come to her home to tell her. She screams hysterically and shuts downs. She stays home for weeks. And then there is the wife who is calm and holds her composure not because she didn't love her husband. But she is complete shock. But she later goes in her room and cries it. Wakes up the next morning, gathers her thoughts and puts on her brave face. Which one loved her husband more? Which one is the right way?
There is no right or wrong. We are all different. Some HEAL in peace.
Lets normalize being alone
“I don't want to be alone forever.”
When we jump into one relationship right after another we are bringing extra baggage to what could possibly be a beautiful thing. But because we haven't let go of the past, we live in the past. And everything that your ex did will be brought up into this new relationship even if the new person is nothing like the last. That next person may be your forever but if you do not take time to heal you can hinder that relationship before it even starts. This happens in a number of ways.
We jump into something new while hoping the ex will see the error in their mistake and ask to take us back. If that happens then you have that person false hope which in return can hurt them and now you have hurt another person leaving room for the cycle to continue.
You haven't taken the time to realize the things that you have done in the previous relationship therefore you haven't had the time to correct your ways and improve yourself. We all need time to grow. Who know the men that you have been going after might not even be what you have wanted to begin with.
That brings me to the this bullet point. Stop looking for your "type". Sometimes your type isn't a physical feature. Its a characteristic. I dare you to step out and date that gut that you never thought you would date. But only after you have healed.
Me time is OK
So if you find yourself in the midst of a breakup right now. Take time for yourself. Read those books that have caught your eye. Take yourself out on dates. Travel alone, safely. Find something new about yourself. You might actually like painting but because you were trying to please the last person you were with, you forgot to please yourself. Read read and read some more.
Here's a few of my favorite reads: